Breaking up is hard to do for Nathan Brown
09 July 2005
Herald Sun
Mike Sheahan
It's been six weeks since Nathan Brown snapped his leg in half. Six weeks since he's been allowed to walk without help. But that all changes today, when he finally gets to throw the crutches away. What isn't so easy to toss aside, however, is his disappointment at not being able to run around in September in a black and yellow jumper. NATHAN Brown's pain has shifted. From the right lower leg snapped in two on national television to the pit of his stomach.
It is a different pain. A pain born of anger.
Six weeks on, the leg no longer hurts. What pains him now is the reality that life goes on for Richmond, for 600-odd AFL players, yet stands still for one of the most gifted of the entire group.
The pain is more acute then ever today.
Brown left the Western Bulldogs for Richmond after the 2003 season for several reasons. One was to play in front of big crowds at the MCG against teams such as Essendon.
The Tigers play Essendon this afternoon in a game that could cement their place in the top eight.
The brilliant left-footer, injured in Round 10, will be in the coach's box, walking on crutches.
He said this week he was "getting a bit better", but was "agitated and angry".
"You get angry because you love playing football and when you have two years like I have had down the bottom, all you want to do is play football and win," Brown said.
"We were winning, we were 7-2 and second on the ladder (before the fateful Melbourne game) and now you've got to sit there and watch the boys play.
"I'm pretty sure they'll make finals and that's what you play for and I'm going to miss out on it.
"The thing you miss the most is going to training, the banter with the boys, getting out there; it's good fun.
"Then the games. That's what you want to do. This week against Essendon. Huge game. Probably going to be 60,000-70,000; you just want to be out there. Out there strutting your stuff and winning games for the football club.
"It took me probably a year to get the Richmond fans on side and this year they really took to me and I want to get back as quickly as possible.
"I just think the fans were a bit sceptical at first."
Brown, 27, has ridden an emotional roller-coaster since Matthew Whelan fell across his leg, ending a season that promised both team and individual success.
The Tigers were flying; he just had to be headed for his first club best-and-fairest award, maybe even higher honours.
"You feel sorry for yourself," he says. "All of a sudden, you feel like a cripple, like you can't do anything.
"You've got all these people trying to help you. Normally you're 10 feet tall and bullet-proof, and everything's going well: a mid-20s guy who's fit and healthy and, all of a sudden, you can't do the basic things for yourself. It's quite frustrating.
"Watching them play, you get very angry.
"I don't know what's worse, watching them win or watching them lose.
"You don't want to watch them lose, but when they win, you just want to be a part of it and you're not.
"On the weekend (the one-point win over Sydney), I was so proud of the guys because there had been so much pressure on them.
"Then you go into the rooms after the game and you're not in the circle of 22 that sing the song and that hurts a bit. At the same time, I was rapt that they won.
"The players have been fantastic. When I couldn't get around, they came around to pick me up to take me to lunch. `Plough' (coach Terry Wallace) came around a few times and he rings me each week and says, `What do you think about this match-up', `How do you think we can beat them', `Who are the dangers?', and things like that."
It's the thought of missing finals that cuts deepest. Brown played a total of six finals in his first four years in league football – 1997-2000 – but hasn't played one since.
"I want to play finals so I can test myself against the very best because I normally get one of the best defenders," he says.
He's started to come to terms with his fate when the pain eased and he returned to the football club to start what will be a long and frustrating road back. "It hit home when all the boys were going out to train on the track and I was going in to do swimming or weights on my own."
Wallace has tried to involve him as much as possible.
I watched him hop up the aisle from the ground to the coach's box last Saturday, self-consciously dropping his head as the Richmond supporters yelled their affection and encouragement.
It was his first time in the box; he kept quiet.
"I thought there would be a lot more ranting and raving going on. It was very controlled, even when they (the Swans) were coming back in the last quarter, Terry was quite controlled and calculating in what he was doing.
"The way they handled it, talked through it without having a pot at blokes was quite good."
Brown says he needs time away to clear his head before starting preparations for 2006.
He will head overseas on July 17 for a fortnight, staying in Paris and Monaco and visiting London.
He will meet girlfriend Sally Prowd in Paris.
"It will give me time to be by myself and think about a few things," he said.
"The club just said, `Look, you're going to go insane because you're going to be training when the other blokes aren't in October-November. Go away, clear your mind'. I'll just relax, and think about the year coming up next year and how I can become a better player and what I think I need to do to play the way I was playing this year."
Despite periodic bouts of self-pity, he knows things could have been worse.
"If it (the break) had have been three inches lower, I would have been looking for a job somewhere next year."
"Three inches lower" would have meant the same horrific injury that ended Jason Snell's career.
Snell, the former Geelong player injured not far from the site of the Brown accident, visited him in hospital. "That was nice of him, I'd never met him before.
"He said, `Because you're so fit and healthy, you'll want to get back into it as soon as possible'. He goes, `The longer you leave it the better you're going to be. Don't rush it'."
Shane Crawford and Max Hudghton also visited. Nathan Buckley and Brown's former Bulldog teammates telephoned.
As did Melbourne's Whelan, whose body weight broke Brown's leg.
"He rang up and apologised. He was pretty shattered, apparently. Next time, I'll try to run round him."
Brown said his injury was a one-in-a-million event that resulted from Whelan's smother while Brent Moloney held him up.
"If I had have kicked it with no one holding me, I would have just gone over in the tackle."
Brown said the one positive out of his misfortune was the response from the public.
"I've had about 2000 letters. I'm sort of embarrassed by how much people care about me, and how much effort people have gone to to help me out. It's just been fantastic and something I'll never forget.
"Letters coming in day after day and little kids drawing pictures of me with my leg snapped in half saying `Get well soon, Browny'.
"That's probably been the most uplifting thing.
"A lot of them don't barrack for Richmond but say `I love the way you play'. It makes you feel good that so many people enjoy and appreciate what I do. I love to go out there and entertain. It's been humbling for me."
After returning from overseas, Brown will have to have two screws removed from his leg, a procedure he isn't looking forward to. He knows, though, it is yet another step in his rehabilitation.
His optimism is returning.
Asked if he had any doubts about his future, he said: "I did. As soon as I did it, the first week. But since I've been back at training, I've felt the leg getting better and my confidence is starting to come back.
"I've got no doubt I can come back and be the player I was."
His confidence was shaky. "Anybody's confidence takes a battering when you break a leg and you don't know how you're going to come back.
"You see so many players who do knees or suffer career-threatening injuries and they never come back the same. I don't want to be like that."
Life was bliss for the confident, some would say cocky, young man from Bendigo.
He had been a star from childhood. Wallace's arrival at Punt Rd coupled with the spectacular improvement in the club's fortunes and his sparkling form was life in paradise.
"Things like this just give you a wake up call."
It has made him appreciate the wisdom of a decision to start the Lenny fashion label with former Bulldogs teammate Craig Ellis.
"To have something behind you like this is a good lesson for all young blokes," he said.
Brown always knew football wasn't going to last forever; now, he knows the end can be only a tackle away.
Fighting spirit: Nathan Brown has no doubt that he can play in the AFL again.
Picture: Michael Dodge
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