Time to drop the Tigers
Cameron Noakes | May 18, 2007 | The Age
FOR Mother's Day, I bought Mum a jar of steamed South Melbourne dim sims and a six-pack of Goat Surefoot stout. I set up a betting account for her and I plonked $200 in it.
Amazingly, she was somewhat underwhelmed — but that's Mum.
Unfortunately for her, she is a Richmond supporter and has turned into a cold, bitter old woman who hasn't smiled in 25 years and singing is banned in her house.
Mum sits fairly and squarely in the anti-Richo corner. They're hilarious, Richmond supporters, aren't they? I mean, they can't even decide if their champion is a champion or not. I suppose that happens when your club makes a habit of giving its stars the boot.
Anyway, I sat down with Mum and helped her out with her stout and dimmies and explained to her that she should enjoy her twilight years and her first decision should be to drop Richmond and embrace another club and be happy.
Well, this was a revelation for her (not dropping Richmond, being happy) and she listened intently.
I told her Richmond was evil and she should move to a good club like West Coast or GTV Collingwood or Adelaide.
At first, Mum was livid and started belting me with her walking sticks but I curled up like a slater and yelled, "Travis Cloke!"
After cracking two of my ribs, she stopped, God bless her.
I said if she followed Collingwood, she would be supporting a cashed-up club with lots of Channel Nine executives, be with fans who were universal in their support for their champs — and she had a Cloke to watch.
Not only that, she had a club that often belied the talents on its list and sometimes even made it to grand finals (I didn't have the heart to tell her that was where the joy ended).
It may have been the stout talking, but Mum was sold and the thought of meeting some Nine chiefs thrilled her — well, Mum is never "thrilled" but she is keen to tell someone that 60 Minutes is rubbish these days and it's time to bring back Tony Barber.
I then told Mum about the TAB tip seven. The bet I like costs $160 (go halves with a mate) and it, obviously, involves tipping seven winners. But I take either side of five games, so, essentially, I'm only picking two winners out of seven.
The more upsets the bigger the jackpot, but that's the catch. Be smart about your certainties.
Any team that played on the hard surface last week, or in heat, or has had a short turnaround, or is missing key players should not be backed as a clear-cut winner.
Mum also liked the new bet type from sportingbet.com.au that has the Tiges at $9 to not win a game this year (Melbourne is at 41s but Mum said no).
She was intrigued why no one was taking the $4 for Terry Wallace as the first coach to go before round 22 (Chris Connolly at $13 is also tempting). "They sacked Hafey and he used to win," she said.
And then, like magic, a pack of Horizons appeared in Mum's hand, she lit up a fag, cracked open a stout, burped, spat on the carpet and grumbled: "Rocca needs to work harder and, now that we have Medhurst, Neon has gotta go."
Hard to please, my Mum.
http://realfooty.com.au/news/news/time-to-drop-the-tigers/2007/05/17/1178995325375.html
