Caroline Wilson carries goat's love child.
Exclusive.
While researching her latest scoop, Caroline Wilson has has fallen under the spell of a charismatic goat and although unplanned, has decided to keep the baby conceived in a moment of forbidden love. We can now bring you her exclusive story.
"Well," says Caroline," I've been thinking for a while now, that it about time I actually wrote about football itself, rather than the usual dibble more suited to woman's weekly, you know, try and analyse the game itself. It was about a month or so ago, I was driving through Melton and amongst all those large creatures in the paddocks, what do you call them? You know those things they race around tracks... umm horses, yeah, amongst the horses I saw this regal looking billy goat, so i thought, he may be able to help me on my quest to write a real football story. I pulled over and starting chatting to him about this great game of ours. Well, we hit off immediately. He didn't say much, actually he didn't say anything at all, just stood there chewing his cud and looking at me. It soon became apparent though, that his knowledge of the game itself was far greater mine. Like I can make up, sorry, I mean write all sorts of stuff about what goes goes on off the field, but on the field.. Yeah, I could do with the knowledge of some one like him to help me write a real football story.
Any way, as we chatted, or as I chatted and he chewed his cud more to the point, I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper into his trance. I mean naturally enough as I was doing all the talking, the conversation soon centered around off field gossip, rumor, and outright crap, but he never once asked about the strengths and weaknesses of any player, not about any team's game plan or any of the other stuff I know Jack Sh*t about. He just stood there as I went on and on, chewing his cud and looking at me. I felt like I had finally found someone I could relate to. In the end I just couldn't help myself, I couldn't fight these feelings any more and after chasing him about the paddock for an hour or so I was able to corner him and after taping his mouth shut to stifle the screaming, we made passionate love, out there in the fields of Melton. It was something I will never forget, a truly magical moment in my journalistic career. Every time I get a whiff of that pungent billy goat smell that seems to have permanently impregnated the skin on my back, I think of the kid I will soon bring into the world and I just get tingly all over.
Unfortunately I never wrote that true football article, but i think we all have things in our life that we just have to accept will always remain out of reach"
Yes Folks, You heard first on SEN, The home of football.
(All characters and organisations portrayed are purely fictional. Any resemblance to any person or organisation, living or dead, on air or off air, is purely coincidental)
