Jackie Martling

[tiga]

Told ya you'd like the ambience here Tiga. If only you made the move half a year ago!

JF, I didn't know OER existed until I found you at Bigfooty.

As Van Morrison would say..."The Craic is good"

[Harry]

A guy goes to the doctor and says “Doc, I need your help.  Every morning I wake up I have sex with my wife before work, then when I get to work the young assistant follows me to the photocopying room so I bang her on the Xerox machine, then at lunchtime I take the secretary to a hotel room and give it to her, then after lunch the bosses wife comes in when the boss ain’t there so I lay her on the bosses desk in his office.  When I go home there’s the maid on all fours, so I give it to her from behind, then before the baby sitter leaves I take her up stairs and bang her senseless, then after dinner I bang my wife again before I go to sleep".
The doctor asks – “Then what’s the problem?”
- “It hurts when I jerk off”.

[JohnF]

ROFLFMLAOOOOOO!!!!! funny schit.

[froars]

Been watching this thread all afternoon and having a good old laugh lol
I'm thinking JohnF's in his element.
Wish i had some but them's the breaks
Keep 'em coming guys 

[Harry]

- How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
- If it were invented by anyone else it would have been called a teethbrush.   

[Harry]

JohnF - my mate downloaded the albums using iMesh or other file sharing programs.  Just search for Jackie Martling or his CD's.

3 guys and 1 girl are stranded on a deserted island.
After 1 week the girl is so ashamed at what she's doing she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed at what they're doing they bury her.
After another week the guys are so ashamed at what they're doing they dig her up again.

[Ox]

Q)  What's black and goes around corners ?

A)  A welfare line.


A jewish girl marries a Greek guy.
18 months into the marriage the mother receives a phone call from the daughter
pleading with the mother to come to her home immediately.
The mother rushes to the aid of her only child to find her in tears and hunched over the kitchen sink.

"What is the matter darlink?" asks the mother.

"Well mother,"says the distraught girl,
"When I first mariied Nik my arshole was the size of a 10 cent coin,
now it's as big as a 50 piece .......and I'm thinking of leaving him  !!"

The mother,shocked, looks around the triple story home complete with triple garage and triple tennis court and says,
"You're willing to give up this over 40 cents  ????"

[Harry]

LMAO Ox    think I heard that one on one of martlings CDS's.  Not sure which one.

Here's a good one.  Probably one of my favourites along with the wife on the front lawn one -

A jew gets into a cab and as they're driving down the road they see a man beating and punching into an old lady.  The cabbie swerves to the side of the road and jumps out to help the old lady.  As the cab driver's wrestling with the man, the Jew winds down his window and yells out  hysterically - "STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!! STOP THE METER!!!"

[JohnF]

Great last couple of jokes.

lmfaoooooooooo@picking on the Jews. Oh well, if we must.

Here's some more:

Q.  What's the name of a face lotion developed for Jewish women?
A.   Oil of Oy Vay

When young David was asked by his father to say the evening prayer, he realised he didn't have his head covered...so he asked his little brother Henry to rest a hand on his head until prayers were over.
Henry grew impatient after a few minutes and removed his hand.
The father said, "This is important...put your hand back on his head!"
-to which Henry exclaimed, "What, am I my brother's kipah?"


One day, Shlomo is crossing the street and gets knocked down by a car. Although only slightly hurt, an ambulance is called. When it arrives, the attendant puts a blanket over Shlomo and a pillow under his head and asks, "Sir, are you comfortable?"
Shlomo looks up and says, "Vell, I make a living!"

[JohnF]

JohnF - my mate downloaded the albums using iMesh or other file sharing programs.  Just search for Jackie Martling or his CD's.

lol, cool bro, thanks. i'll give it a go.

[Fwoy3]

Well done boys, I've been entertained for half an hour here. Keep 'em coming

[Ox]

LMAOOOOO Boys.

See u in Hell 


A jewish couple attend a session with a marriage counsellor that was recommended to them by their rabbi.

The Dr welcomes his patients,projects a relaxed atmosphere then asks the woiman to speak first.

"Well doctor" says the woman,
"We have been married now for 4 years and in this time he has been a good husband,
providing all the necessities for a comfortable kosher lifestyle.
He is a wonderful father and I could not wish for better.

Our sex life is as good as one can expect when seperated by a sheet,however,
there is one small issue I would like to speak with you about please doctor.

I enjoy all positions and will even perform oral sex when asked.......but the finger in the ars.. I draw the line at this !!" she said.

The doctor spins his chair to face the husband and asks him if he would like to comment.

The husband answers,
"My finger,My arshole !!!
 

[froars]

Ox: See u in Hell   

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam.

Bonus Question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?"

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed or some variant, but fell short in producing a demonstration argument.

One student however wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the Rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul Gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for How many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand  proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

Considering then the postulate presented to me by Teresa K. during my Freshman year: that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you" and taking into account the fact that over two years later, I still have not succeeded in having relations with her; then, #2 cannot be true,  and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

The student received the only "A" given."

[Harry]

LMAO boys - great jokes.

Here's a classic -

3 gay guys attend the cremation of a former lover.
The first gay guy says - "After he's cremated, I'd like to sprinkle his ashes into the ocean, cos he so loved it when we used to go sailing".
The second gay guy says - "After he's cremated, I'd like to sprinkle his ashes in my garden, cos he so loved it when I used to bring him flowers".
The third gay guy says - "After he's cremated, I'd like to sprinkle his ashes on some hot chili, cos I'd love it if he could tear apart my hole one last time".

[tiga]

Bonus Question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?"

I'm sure Ox would have some contacts down there to find out the real answer to this perplexing poser.