Author Topic: Fractured fairytales (Read 13157 times)

Tiger Spirit · « **Reply #15 on:** February 16, 2005, 05:33:35 PM »

“Sir,

The forces of evil are gathering momentum, wanting to take over our once impenetrable fortress. You know too well the might such a kingdom could give to those who know its true strength.

What say ye, will ye fight with us?”

Reading on, Greg the Miller knew only too well the size of the task ahead. He knew there was more to this than just what he was reading.

He knew of the hideous and evil forces lurking in the background. He knew of a law unto themselves that were cloaked in white, orange, yellow and maybe even green, pretending to be human, and the upholders of fair play. They threatened to wreak havoc upon the three warriors and their efforts. No army could hope to stand a chance against them, let alone a few brave souls. It was decisions time for Greg the Miller.

Ox · « **Reply #16 on:** February 16, 2005, 10:41:05 PM »

In a blink of an eye The Greg hastened his tumultuous mercinaries assault,for one murderous pyschopath from every state
was to be recognised as thyne representative of injurious force,striking at the diluted blood of this tempered society of
feeble minded jesters.

"Hear me now",he barked in a discourteous manner,"upon the delivery of the one they call Scott of Turner you shall see
an anihilation of demonic proportions directed atop the unsuspecting meek.

They shall fom this day onwards be known as, THE FORSAKEN ONES !!!"

"Find me the one known as Campbo....and bring me his head in the 1980 premiership cup."

Alas,it seemed our5 time b&f player hath met thy doom.
Could the falling spud have been a sign of things to come and if so,prehaps Wayne was never as good as JohnF thought ?

It is written that this time was imminent and King Campbell would fall victim to his addiction of Wine,Women,Sodomy and ego
but to succumb to the ancient mind games of Terry the Wallace can only be described as ................

JohnF · « **Reply #17 on:** February 17, 2005, 12:29:06 AM »

JohnF

JohnF · « **Reply #18 on:** February 17, 2005, 01:08:14 AM »

It is written that this time was imminent and King Campbell would fall victim to his addiction of Wine,Women,Sodomy and ego but to succumb to the ancient mind games of Terry the Wallace can only be described as unfitting to a once proud warrior who worked tirelessly to keep Punt Road Castle from meeting it's demise before a relative peace had filled it's borders. Lord Campbell had been cast out with no thought for his travails and he turned to degenerate means to see out his last days, unthanked and unrewarded for his diligent application.

Greg the Miller mulled this over, together with the shunning of Punt Road Castle's other legendary warrior, St. Kevin of Hungryville, which had caused great unrest, and he altered his position: "No wait, forget Campbell, let the sullen old lecher enjoy his debaucheries. They'll claim him soon enough. Let us focus on matters at hand. We must gather our forces and prepare to fight off Troll Sheehan, Sherrif Maltyhouse and his sire Eddie of MediaWhore who are enlisted by the Evil Troll Master. We must also be on the look out for the darker forces that lurk behind the scenes. I suspect Queen Caro and the Lord of the White Maggots not to be far away.

Miller set off......

Ox · « **Reply #19 on:** February 17, 2005, 02:05:54 AM »

LMAOOOO

tiga · « **Reply #20 on:** February 17, 2005, 08:11:31 AM »

tiga · « **Reply #21 on:** February 17, 2005, 08:35:02 AM »

So now the 5 hosemen of the apocalypse and their loyal troops set off on their long journey to fight the forces of evil in the forests of rottingwood fully knowing that Sheehan the troll and his poison pen were never very far away. The men were creating idle conversation to pass the time when lord wallace asked "Did anyone bother to pick up a couple of toothless wenches before we left because I'm dying for a bit of scrumpet at our next campsite."Greg the Miller responded...Aye, Your Lordship. We have the sister of Michael of Martin travelling with us and they say there is a true family resemblance." "splendid. Although I've never met Michael of Martin before." "He's a very handsome man your Lordship but I'd get the horses chaff bag just in case." Whilst all this banter was going on the troll Sheehan was crawling along the cliffs above. The troll whispers to himself "I must have the precious. It must be mine. They will all die so I can have the preeecioussss. He hehe hehehehe"

julzqld · « **Reply #22 on:** February 17, 2005, 08:36:45 AM »

julzqld · « **Reply #23 on:** February 17, 2005, 08:38:43 AM »

Meanwhile, back at the castle, the princess is impatiently pacing up and down. "Where the hell are those magnificent horsemen I spied" she wailed. "Do you mean to say, I got all dressed up for nothing??" "Typical men, never there when you need them".

But just then ....

Tiger Spirit · « **Reply #24 on:** February 17, 2005, 10:49:59 AM »

… panic set in and a dark thought crosses her mind. Why were they not here? Trembling with fear, she quickly scribbles a note, calls for a messenger and says “Take this note and find where they are. I need to know what has happened to them and what I am to do. Tell them I can only wait for them till the cows come home and then I must look elsewhere for those who can restore honour to this once mighty kingdom. Quick, there is no time to waste. God’s speed.”

As the young horseman takes the note he vows to honour her wishes. He knows the 3 horsemen have left the confines of the castle, but he knows not what awaits him on his journey.

Not knowing what else to do, the fair Princess calls for Troll Sheahan, otherwise known as Sheahan of the crystal ball. She must know now where she should turn and what to do and he could tell her. Alas, he is nowhere to be found. But little does she know of his whereabouts and his true colours, instead believing him to be dignified and a recognised fortune teller.

She contemplates her next move, totally unaware of all that is gathering in the forests of rottingwood.

Harry · « **Reply #25 on:** February 17, 2005, 11:25:43 AM »

Meanwhile as the 5 horsemen bunkered down for a good nights sleep deep in the forest, Lord Terry of Locksley heard a strange noise in a near by bush. Not wanting to wake and alarm his fellow warriors, he quietly approached the bush from where the noise came from. As he crept closer he could hear a voice, a voice which sent shivers down his spine. “Lord Terry, Lord Terry of Locksley” said the voice, “Listen to your heart Lord Terry”. As Lord Terry dragged away the hanging branches and leaves that were impeding his sight, he suddenly saw a glowing silhouette of an old man draped in a ragged old cloak and hood. It was at this point that Lord Terry felt a sense of complete ecstasy, as he realised that the glowing figure in front of him was that of a grand master warrior king that he'd heard about in legendary folklore. Lord Terry’s father, and his fathers father told many a story about a wise warrior of many moons ago who arrived at punt road castle, mustered up an army and with his courage and determination inspired all to conquer the world. That silhouette belonged to none other than Master Tommy One Ken-Hafey. Tommy One Ken-Hafey continued – “Listen Lord Terry………………

mightytiges · « **Reply #26 on:** February 17, 2005, 03:51:42 PM »

Tommy One Ken-Hafey continued – "Listen Lord Terry. Come closer and listen very carefully, for thy shall say this only once." Lord Terry approached the shadowy silhouette of Master One Ken-Hafey and listened with baited breath. Tommy One Ken-Hafey continued, "The darkside clouds everything. Impossible to see the future is. Hence thy gives thee 5 years to find and return the holy grail to Punt Road Castle." "But Master won't the fine subjects of Punt Road Castle become impatient for my return and feral." Lord Terry responded. "That is of no concern to thou", quipped Master One Ken-Hafey, "The holy grail has been gone for so long that only old men like myself and the mysterious old Moi remember the good times. After being tormented by a diet of spuds and cliches for the past 5 years the good folk of Punt Road castle will trust in any thee who speaketh a vocabulary beyond yeah and nah". Lord Terry felt reassured.

The Master continued, "The forest of rottingwood is a hideous place full of toothless mindless creatures that only breed, eat and sleep. Brainwashed since birth by their darklord overruler Eddie and his mistress Lady Nathan to believe in far-fetched fairytales in exchange for their pieces of silver and gold to build a new Lexus Temple by the Colesseum". "But how shall I confront and defeat such a monstrosity Grand Old Master", replied Lord Terry. "Before you my boy, that is the task. Now be gone on your way". And with that the silhoutte of Master One Ken-Hafey faded away. Lord Terry turned to Greg the Miller and his 3 horsemen and said, "....

julzqld · « **Reply #27 on:** February 17, 2005, 04:26:56 PM »

"Lord Richo, Squire Simmonds and Friar Rix go and rescue that poor damsel in distress before she does herself some harm. Greg the Miller and I will go out from hence and using the Force will do battle with the dark side".

So the three magnificent and handsome horsemen went off to do that which they were originally drafted to do. Meanwhile, the princess had almost given up hope of being rescued as everyone in the storyline seems to get sidetracked. She turned to her faithful mirror on the wall and asked "why don't they come?"

The mirror replied "don't worry deary - it was just a momentary lapse. Get thee ready and look thy most beautiful for I hear them on their way".

Harry · « **Reply #28 on:** February 17, 2005, 04:33:56 PM »

FROFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

as you were ................

julzqld · « **Reply #29 on:** February 17, 2005, 04:48:44 PM »

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