Author Topic: Funny and Bizarre news stories.  (Read 14452 times)

Offline tiger101

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Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« on: January 18, 2013, 12:52:40 PM »
Came across a funny story today on the smh website. Its genius really.

Quote
Downtrodden employees of the world, take heart: a rebel hero walks among us. A man in his mid-40s, identified in reports only as "Bob", was a star programmer earning a six-figure salary at an American infrastructure company. When the company commissioned a network-security audit, they belatedly discovered that "Bob" had outsourced his own job to a Chinese software company for a fifth of his pay. Relieved of his workload, Bob would spend his entire office day on the internet, flicking from eBay to Facebook to cat videos, before writing a progress-report email for his bosses and knocking off at 5pm. Sadly, upon finding out how resourcefully Bob had managed his own productivity, the firm sacked him rather than marvelling at his initiative and promoting him to senior management.

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/programmer-bob-was-a-model-modern-employee-20130118-2cx2x.html



dwaino

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2013, 04:55:47 PM »
LOL I read this one yesterday. Bloke is a deadest champ.  :cheers


Offline tiga

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2013, 02:00:55 PM »
http://idle.slashdot.org/story/13/02/12/0116216/local-emergency-alert-system-hacked-warns-dead-rising-from-graves

 :rollin

This one cracked me up...

Chinese infiltrators in the US government want zombies to survive, so that they can be enslaved into preparing food at Chinese restaurants... the project codename is "Dead Men Wokking".

Offline mightytiges

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All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be - Pink Floyd

Offline mightytiges

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2013, 03:56:04 AM »
Outer suburbs reviled in Facebook memes (Herald-Sun):


http://www.heraldsun.com.au/leader/gallery-fnglekhp-1226575603472?page=14

 ;D
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be - Pink Floyd

Offline tiga

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2013, 10:41:43 AM »
Outer suburbs reviled in Facebook memes (Herald-Sun):


http://www.heraldsun.com.au/leader/gallery-fnglekhp-1226575603472?page=14

 ;D
:rollin

On the other side does it say "Thank You for visiting Frankston. You will feel lighter for the experience. Please come again as the local economy needs you."

dwaino

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2013, 08:47:56 PM »
Danish news confuses image of ancient Damascus skyline from popular video game, Assassin's Creed, for modern day Syria.

http://m.au.ign.com/articles/2013/03/11/assassins-creed-image-used-by-accident-on-danish-news

Offline tiga

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2013, 03:38:45 PM »
Danish news confuses image of ancient Damascus skyline from popular video game, Assassin's Creed, for modern day Syria.

http://m.au.ign.com/articles/2013/03/11/assassins-creed-image-used-by-accident-on-danish-news

I can Imagine the head of news screaming down the corridor "Get me the lead researcher!! Somebody in this company is playing games, and I want to find out who!!"    :P

dwaino

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2013, 05:24:00 PM »

Offline Judge Roughneck

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2013, 09:21:27 AM »
Quote
Cheney's Halliburton Made $39.5 Billion on Iraq War

The accounting of the financial cost of the nearly decade-long Iraq War will go on for years, but a recent analysis has shed light on the companies that made money off the war by providing support services as the privatization of what were former U.S. military operations rose to unprecedented levels.

Private or publicly listed firms received at least $138 billion of U.S. taxpayer money for government contracts for services that included providing private security, building infrastructure and feeding the troops.

Ten contractors received 52 percent of the funds, according to an analysis by the Financial Times that was published Tuesday.

The No. 1 recipient?

Houston-based energy-focused engineering and construction firm KBR, Inc. (NYSE:KBR), which was spun off from its parent, oilfield services provider Halliburton Co. (NYSE:HAL), in 2007.

The company was given $39.5 billion in Iraq-related contracts over the past decade, with many of the deals given without any bidding from competing firms, such as a $568-million contract renewal in 2010 to provide housing, meals, water and bathroom services to soldiers, a deal that led to a Justice Department lawsuit over alleged kickbacks, as reported by Bloomberg.

Who were Nos. 2 and 3?

Agility Logistics (KSE:AGLTY) of Kuwait and the state-owned Kuwait Petroleum Corp. Together, these firms garnered $13.5 billion of U.S. contracts.

As private enterprise entered the war zone at unprecedented levels, the amount of corruption ballooned, even if most contractors performed their duties as expected.

According to the bipartisan Commission on Wartime Contracting in Iraq and Afghanistan, the level of corruption by defense contractors may be as high as $60 billion. Disciplined soldiers that would traditionally do many of the tasks are commissioned by private and publicly listed companies.

Even without the graft, the costs of paying for these services are higher than paying governement employees or soldiers to do them because of the profit motive involved. No-bid contracting - when companies get to name their price with no competing bid - didn't lower legitimate expenses. (Despite promises by President Barack Obama to reel in this habit, the trend toward granting favored companies federal contracts without considering competing bids continued to grow, by 9 percent last year, according to the Washington Post.)

Even though the military has largely pulled out of Iraq, private contractors remain on the ground and continue to reap U.S. government contracts. For example, the U.S. State Department estimates that taxpayers will dole out $3 billion to private guards for the government's sprawling embassy in Baghdad.

The costs of paying private and publicly listed war profiteers seem miniscule in light of the total bill for the war.

Last week, the Costs of War Project by the Watson Institute for International Studies at Brown University said the war in Iraq cost $1.7 trillion dollars, not including the $490 billion in immediate benefits owed to veterans of the war and the lifetime benefits that will be owed to them or their next of kin.

http://www.zcommunications.org/cheneys-halliburton-made-39-5-billion-on-iraq-war-by-angelo-young?


 :whistle

Offline tiga

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2013, 03:36:56 PM »
Who says that in war there are no winners.  ::) Cheney and Bush are laughing all the way to the bank.  :banghead

There is something just plain wrong when an out of harms way Halliburton bus driver earns more money than a front line soldier.

dwaino

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #12 on: April 12, 2013, 12:45:59 AM »
Iranian scientist claims to have designed a time machine

http://news.com.au/technology/sci-tech/iranian-scientist-claims-to-have-invented-time-machine/story-fn5fsgyc-1226618432074

Will not unveil prototype because the Chinese will steal it and mass produce it. Like that's their main objective in the world, to mass produce things.

Offline Judge Roughneck

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #13 on: April 12, 2013, 02:58:33 PM »
Quote
Homeless man, 58, lives in town’s public toilet
Thursday, April 11, 2013
A 58-year-old man is living in a public toilet in Ennis, a court heard yesterday.
At the district court, Judge Patrick Durcan said it was a scandal.

Each night, chronic alcoholic Joseph Pavelka, a Czech, shares the council-owned public toilet with his friend Peter Baram, from Poland, in Ennis’s Market Street.

Mr Pavelka, who is homeless, was in court yesterday regarding five public order offences relating to falling down drunk in public places on three different dates in February and March of this year.

Judge Durcan was told that Mr Pavelka’s residency has lapsed and as a result no state agencies can provide him with assistance.

Solicitor for Mr Pavelka Daragh Hassett told the court his client “would be dead without the Church here in Ennis”.

The Probation Service lodged a report on Mr Pavelka for yesterday’s court and Judge Durcan said it made “dismal and sad reading”.

Judge Durcan said: “This man is living in a public toilet — that is a scandal.”

Mr Pavelka arrived in Ireland in 2007.

The man stayed for a period at a homeless centre for men at Laurel Lodge in Ennis, but must be in receipt of social welfare to remain there.

Mr Hassett said that Mr Pavelka drinks two bottles of vodka each day and pays for the drink from begging on Ennis’s streets.

He said: “It is very sad. “I don’t see him giving up drink, but I think he needs to cut down his drink and stay away from trouble. There are plenty of alcoholics in this county unfortunately, but they don’t all come into court.”

Mr Hassett added: “He has to cut down his drinking significantly. I accept that he is using up Garda resources. I am well aware of his sad tale.”

Mr Hassett said that Mr Pavelka’s lack of English would stop him from attending any alcohol treatment centres.

After being informed that Mr Pavelka needs habitual residency to avail of State services, Judge Durcan said: “That is balderdash, that is all officialdom. I get so irritated when I hear that.

“On the one hand, we are told we are part of the wonderful EU where we have equal rights of establishment. This is a case of a man who needs help and surely there are caring agencies of some kind in this town of Ennis who can help him.”

Judge Durcan told Insp Tom Kennedy: “I am not going to make order, inspector, in respect of these charges — I appreciate that this man may present difficulties but I can’t in good conscience make any order.

“This man needs help and I hope that there are sufficient services in this courtroom available and that there are people of good mind to help him.

“I will give this man every assistance and make every order that will help him if he is prepared to play a bit of ball.”

Judge Durcan said there was a religious order of sisters in Blarney that was willing to take in Mr Pavelka, but they were full at the moment.

“Repatriation back to the Czech Republic has been suggested, but for many people, it is not necessarily an option because there are a whole range of legacy issues that can not be understood here.”

Judge Durcan adjourned the case to May 1.

http://www.irishexaminer.com/[/i]

dwaino

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Re: Funny and Bizarre news stories.
« Reply #14 on: May 07, 2013, 05:24:41 PM »
The interview with that Cleveland bloke who found some missing girls in his neighbours house

http://youtu.be/kBJowiFQj_c

Can't wait for the memes on this one. Will be up there with "hide yo wife" etc