Richmond's Daniel Connors says he has learnt from his mistakes by: Mark Robinson
From: Herald Sun
January 30, 2012
Richmond young gun Daniel Connors has had a tough season. He was suspended for a large portion of it earlier in the year after he drank heavily after a game. He says he has learnt alot of from his mistakes. Daniel Connors says he is not an alcoholic, yet concedes he has a problem with the drink.A gregarious bloke sober, he becomes reckless and a risk-taker when drunk.
"I'm not an alcoholic," he says.
"I'm someone who enjoys a drink too much and when I do I make mistakes.
"There's a big difference between an alcoholic and someone who binge drinks. A massive difference.
"Alcoholics rely on alcohol all the time. I just enjoy it, have a good time, and that to me was alcohol."
This simple explanation hides greater demons, and as Connors explains why he is suspended for the second time by the Richmond Football Club - this time for 12 weeks - he confesses to being a young man with far deeper baggage than simply being an idiot on the drink.
Alcohol, it would seem, creates a mindset in the 23-year-old that could be described as: "I don't give s---."
Worse, it was alcohol that drove him along social highways that not only seriously concerned the Tigers, but were absolutely not conducive to a successful professional football career.
It's why the club cooked him for the second time and it's why, after returning to Punt Rd three weeks ago, his career hangs by the thinnest of threads.
"Obviously, you know about my past alcohol issues and the club gave me the opportunity to go away to address them and change some of my behaviours, a few things in my lifestyle," Connors says.
"The club told me I needed to go and change the way I was living my life. I went away and spoke to a few different people and I continue to work on those issues.
"I don't want to go into specifics, but a lot of the time my alcohol issues lead me to make bad decisions which have got me into hot water in the past and it's still getting me."
Connors lost his way after a forgettable 2011 season, in which he was restricted to the first three games.
As season-long quad injuries frustrated him, his self-esteem tumbled. By the end of the season he was a mess.
The mish-mash of issues, both present and past, meant Connors found escape in booze in the post-season.
"I just thought I had a s--- year, so I let my hair down and it got to a point where it was ridiculous. I shouldn't drink in that frame of mind because it never ends well for me," he says.
The Tigers began to hear stories of Connors' lifestyle and were compelled to act.
They moved on Connors on the Friday morning of trade week in October.
Coach Damien Hardwick and general manager of football Craig Cameron rang him at his Northcote home and told him they were coming over.
In his loungeroom, Hardwick and Cameron put it on him about his excessive drinking and lifestyle.
A fragile Connors admitted his failings.
Hardwick, it has been described, was matter of fact with his approach.
Clearly, a coach building culture, trust and responsibility wasn't going to allow a rotten apple to inflict disease on the development of the team.
"It was direct and frank ... a highly charged morning," Cameron says. "We told him, 'We don't know what we are going to do with you'.
"We told him we were disappointed and that we had to take time to think about what your fate is. Yeah, at the time we were disappointed and angry."
Connors got the proverbial double barrel.
"I was just sitting on my couch and, no, it wasn't good, as you could imagine," he says.
"They said I was suspended indefinitely, that I had lost all trust and respect, and they didn't know whether I was coming back.
"They said I had to address my issues. I told them where I was at and they sort of knew. They had questions they needed me to answer honestly.
"Did I tell the truth? I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I was gutted, but I could see where they were coming from.
"The footy club was trying to help me. They weren't trying to get me in trouble. They want to get the best out of me, not whack me any more than what they have. The club didn't cast me off but they said I needed to find the avenues to help myself."
Connors sought professional help through several sources. Initially, it was counselling every day for two weeks. Then every other day. Now, it's once a fortnight.
The Tigers kept in contact, but were adamant Connors had to fight the fight himself.
He learned plenty about himself.
In several hour sittings, Connors unloaded as much as he could.
He spoke of his fears, and his dreams, of his childhood environment in Echuca, his drinking, his behaviour, and his often wavering mental state.
"You bring up a issue to understand the behaviour," he says.
The specifics remain confidential, but he wanted to share one incident and its impact.
There had been "misdemeanours" as a wayward teen. But one particularly disturbing and violent incident in his home town in 2006, which left a man in a coma for several months, has never left him.
It was before he was drafted by the Tigers and the night of the announcement of the All-Australian under-18 team, in which Connors was named on a wing.
What started as drunken words in a pub ended with a punch being thrown by one of Connors' mates away from the pub and the man fell and hit his head.
Connors stayed with the man - then aged in his mid-40s - until the ambulance arrived and presented himself at the police station the next morning.
Only Connors and his two mates know what really happened and Connors maintains he did nothing wrong and that they tried to avoid confrontation, even by staying behind in the pub after the man left.
Still, the man ended up in a coma. The incident angered and hurt many people and Connors was subjected to abuse and accusation.
As a result, and because of the events of that horrible night, Connors believed he wasn't worthy of being an AFL footballer.
"I think about it all the time," he says, his eyes watering.
"It just didn't have to get to that. It's one of the issues I've dealt with and how it still subconsciously affects me. Subconsciously I wondered if I deserved to be where I was."
It's why, as part of his drive to better himself, Connors is part of a self-initiative called Stop, Step Back and Think.
"It's about drinking and violence under the influence of alcohol and we go to schools and I tell my story about what happened that night," he says.
His first school visit was to Carey Grammar.
"I spoke about what happens when you drink alcohol and violence gets involved and the end result," he says.
"It's something I want to teach other kids so they don't go down the pathway others have gone down."
Remorseful Connors could be accused of being a broken record. In 2010, he was suspended for eight weeks after a drunken incident following the Round 3 game against the Swans in Sydney.
The night ended when teammate Ben Cousins punched him in the face.
In an interview later that year with the Herald Sun , Connors swore he would turn his life around and forgo alcohol.
And he did, not drinking for the rest of the season.
Eighteen months later he was virtually in lifestyle rehab.
"They're my mistakes," he says of his post-season splurge.
"Things I've done I could've prevented, but back then that's all I knew how to deal with what I was going through. It wasn't the right way, but that's the only way I knew. Drinking was an escape. It helped me deal with my frustration.
"It was a tough time for me. I don't want people to feel sorry for me because that's footy. But I can deal with those issues better now. Back then that's all I knew how to deal with it.
"I'm not saying right now I'm fixed, but I'm improving and I'm working on being a better person."
Connors had to make adjustments.
He has closed down mates and become even closer with others. "My mates know now. There are a few I try not to catch up with because if I want to be a serious footballer I can't associate with them too much," he says.
And then there was his parents. Will his parents give a statement? Their voice could soften the blow for Connors.
They were disappointed after the Sydney incident and distraught after this second suspension. They came to Melbourne to stay with their son for several nights.
"They have been put through a fair bit," Connors says.
"They took it pretty hard. But it's not something you think about while you're doing it, you know, 'What would Mum and Dad think about me doing this?' Maybe if those thoughts went through my mind, it would be different."
Along with professional help, Connors tried to maintain his fitness. He trained by himself, and former Carlton player Ryan Houlihan also took an active role.
Through October, November and December, Connors ran by himself at an oval on St George's Rd, and worked with Houlihan on ovals at Princes Park.
"He's a good kid, a great kid and I just wanted to be there to support him," Houlihan says.
"His attitude was very good, he trained very hard, and I've spoken to him since he's been back and he's still working hard.
"I was really impressed with him and I'm sure he will have a great year."
It was more sweat and hard work than lattes at a local coffee haunt.
"He didn't tell me the full story. I didn't ask too much, I told him if he wanted to talk I'd listen, but we were there to train and train hard," Houlihan says.
Connors also attended a gym in Richmond and drove past Punt Rd Oval most days, where he would see the boys training. "Yeah, I'd have a look, and it was tough to look at," he says.
Connors returned to the club in the second week of the year. Before he was welcomed back, he made commitments to the club and the leadership group.
He spoke individually to leadership group members, starting with captain and close friend Chris Newman.
"I spoke to every one of them and I pledged the price of what I'd give up to get back," he says.
"It's very difficult to go to them and ask for another chance and be forgiven and earn respect back. I know I've lost respect, and a lot of them are good mates, but I know how disappointed they are."
Again, he probably sounded like a broken record.
"I don't think I need to tell exactly what they are, but obviously they have to be big enough commitments to allow me to come back."
One was soon obvious. He attended Newman's wedding on January 21 and drove there and home.
It was his first wedding without a drink. "I still had a good time," he said, surprise not lost in his voice.
Connors, who is living with teammate Shane Edwards, said he was fit, hoped to play in the NAB Cup and despite the Tigers finding depth in players such as Jake Batchelor and first-round pick Braden Ellis, Reece Conca and Bachar Houli, said he could regain his spot in the 22 for the season proper.
Connors is out of contract at the end of the season, so he knows the next six months is boom or bust.
"I know how lucky I am."
You really do?
"I honestly do. I would not have been at all surprised if they let me go and that shows how good the club has been towards me.There's other people out there with the same issues who don't get the support I have, so I'm very lucky and very grateful. If I get banned again, I get banned forever."
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