Tiger bombshell: we’ve got tactics
by STAFF REPORTERS
Terry Wallace dropped another bombshell at Punt Road this week by announcing that the club would perform in a radically different way when it takes to the field this year.
Having completely redesigned to football department, put a new coat of paint on the inside of the club rooms, and instituted a strict training regime that compels players to attend training at least once a week, Wallace announced his team would be using tactics in season 2005.
When asked by thebladder.com what sort of tactics he was employing, he replied: “I don’t know. Just tactics. We’ll be using them every week and sometimes at training in a bid to reclaim some of the honour this once proud club has lost in the last few years.”
A source close to the club revealed the tactics were found in a box labelled ‘2003’ beside some broken down office furniture on the nature strip outside Victoria Park shortly after Collingwood’s recent move to Olympic Park.
“I can’t confirm or deny that,” Wallace said. “I just found them in my office a few weeks back. Some well meaning supporter might have put them there. Who knows? Suffice it to say, they’re our tactics now. Our research suggests that at least one other team was using tactics last year, and we see Richmond’s use of performance enhancing tactics as a wholly positive thing.”
Speaking on behalf of the playing group, ex-captain Wayne Campbell said some of the players reacted badly when Wallace first revealed his tactics to the playing group.
“We’d never seen anything like it. A few of the boys jumped up on their chairs and shouted ‘Ewwww, this reminds me of boarding school!’ But when he told us they were tactics, that everyone has them, that they were okay to touch, fondle even, the boys calmed down enough to pick them up and gently stroke them. You should have seen the look on his face. We couldn’t get a word out of him for a few short moments.”
http://www.thebladder.com.au/content/news/displayContent.asp?CID=2931&EID=289
