I had all the drugs, so I was pretty popular Luke Waters
Sunday Herald Sun
August 29, 2010EACH day, Mark Eustice sits in his rented Niddrie shop-front and ticks off a further milestone of staying clean.
Each day is an achievement, recorded meticulously in a diary. There are now 92 volumes - each filled with painful stories of a high-profile career cut short, life as a chaotic drug addict and now as a mental health patient.
Long-term drug abuse has damaged his once-sharp memory, but recollections of his final binge before entering rehab are surprisingly clear.
"I was at the dealer's place. I had ecstasy pills, speed, crystal meth, I was snorting cocaine. It was all on a table ... I had my head in cocaine ... it was like a scene out of Scarface," he says.
"I don't know how long I was doing it. I was throwing money at this drug dealer. How I survived that is a f------ miracle." .
The self-destructive cycle cost the one-time AFL star far more than the thousands of dollars he readily paid for a fix.
"It's cost me any relationship I've ever had, it's cost me my money, my real estate investments. It's cost me friends and it's cost me my relationship with my son and to this day I have failed as a father," Eustice admitted.
The 47-year old pondered how a 137-game AFL career and successful off-field ventures could end so painfully.
At one point, Eustice owned five houses, a business and shovelled his football money into a growing real estate portfolio.
But when footy finished, his life gradually unravelled.
The absence of football training and the strict environment around football clubs was a ticket to freedom.
And what started as casual, weekend drug use became more regular and far more serious.
Eustice worked his job as a sales rep from a pub under the blurred effects of alcohol and cocaine.
One by one the houses were re-possessed and "close shaves" with the law became more frequent, but warning signs were dulled by drugs and his endless party continued.
"You'd end up attracting people. I had all the drugs so I was pretty popular. The girls ... the drug whores - they just wanted you for the drugs 'cos they weren't going to buy it for themselves," he said.
"You hadn't been to sleep and at 10 or 11 in the morning you'd just feel so bad, so you'd go ring the dealer and get more coke - go to a pub in the day and just keep going the whole day.
"Wherever you were, just ring the dealer and go again. It was just one big party. Then after two or three days your body would shut down."
His saviour came in the form of the football community. The wife of a former high-profile teammate, the AFL Players' Association and the three clubs Eustice represented raised the $28,000 needed to fund his rehabilitation.
"I was at the point where it was going to go one of two ways - I was going to jail or I was going to die," Eustice said.
The in-patient rehabilitation program lasted 28 days and was followed by electric shock treatment, medication and countless consultations with psychiatric experts.
It was only relatively recently - after ridding his battered body of drugs - that doctors diagnosed chronic bipolar depression.
With the clarity of recovery, Eustice recognised the debilitating symptoms as the same as those he suffered as a younger man.
Tony Jewell coached Eustice in his two years with Richmond. He remembers a talented young player whose form seesawed erratically and inexplicably. He now believes the bipolar diagnosis is an explanation.
"At the time we couldn't figure it out, but looking back it's reflective of how he played and trained," Jewell said.
"Some days he would come in he'd be up and he could light up the room. He'd train the house down and play great footy; he was courageous, quick.
"Then a week or two later his form was so poor you'd have to drop him."
The years after football cost Eustice everything except his life. He said he was the only one of his rehab group to remain drug-free. And after more than 1360 days, his diary entries are becoming increasingly optimistic.
He said the time was now right to contemplate a return to work.
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