Collingwood Jokes

[Francois Jackson]

Eddie McGuire is walking down the stairs of the Westpac Centre with Nathan and Tania Buckley.
All of a sudden Tania slips and her head gets caught between the rails. While she is there Nathan takes the opportunity to give her a good rogering.
After he finishes Nathan looks at Eddie and says, "Your turn Ed". Ed looks at him and tears start to roll down his face.
Nathan asks, "What's up Ed?", to which Eddie replies, "I don't think my head will fit between the rails"

[Francois Jackson]

A Collingwood supporter dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Collingwood jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St Peter in a St Kilda scarf.
 
"Hello, mate," says St Peter, "I'm sorry, no Collingwood fans in heaven."

"What?" exclaims the man, astonished. "

"You heard. No Collingwood fans."

"But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the Collingwood supporter. "Oh, really?" says St Peter. "What have you done then?"

"Well, says the guy, three weeks before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the starving children in Africa, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
" Yeah. A week before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay," says St Peter, "you wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
 
 
 

Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eyes and says,
 
"I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your sixty bucks back, now stuff OFF!"
 

[torch]

 

Rate them daniel161, keep them coming!

 

[Francois Jackson]

anyone know how do you paste pictures on this site i have a beauty..


Did you hear that Eddie Maguire was complaining that a lot of clubs have done very well through the father and son rule.

Collingwood apparently has been missing out and not picking up many players through this rule and Eddie wants to change it.

The problem is that none of the Collingwood players know who their fathers are.



 

 

[Hellenic Tiger]

What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?

The defendant.

[Penelope]

 
Why do collingwoood girls wear flannelette nickers in the footy season?
To keep their ankles warm!

One of these Collingwood girls l was involved in a serious crash, there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the road.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Sharon: "Ok."
Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

A Collingwood girll goes to Centrelink to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the assessor.
"Ten" replies the Collingwood girl,
"Ten?"says the Centrelink worker.
"What are their names?"
"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan
and
Nathan"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Collingwood girl.
"Its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have
shout NATHAN, YER DINNER'S READY or NATHAN GO TO BED NOW
and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
Centrelink
worker.
"That's easy," says the Collingwood girl... "I just use their surnames"

[Hellenic Tiger]

You know you are a Collingwood supporter when you are 30 and you get called Grandma.

You know you are a Collingwood supporter when you are 12 and can smoke at the table.

You know you are a Collingwood supporter when your verandah falls down and crushes 5 dogs.

You know you are a Collingwood supporter when you are married three times and each time has been to someone from the same family.

What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit? The bride

[Ox]

what do u call a colonwood supporter in a suit?
 a-The defendant.

[Fishfinger]

St Peter is manning the pearly gates when forty Collingwood supporters roll up.

 Never having seen supporters from Collingwood at Heaven's door before St Peter says he will have to check with God.

After hearing the news, God instructs him to admit the 10 most virtuous people from the group. 

A few minutes later St Peter returns to God breathless and says, 'They're gone!'.

'What? All of the supporters are gone?' asks God.

'No!' replies St Peter. 'The pearly gates’.

 

[Fishfinger]

The toothbrush was invented in Collingwood.
If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.

[Fishfinger]

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Collingwood and,
trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her
class that she is a Collingwood fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Collingwood fans. Everyone in
the class raises their hand except one boy.

The teacher looks at the boy with surprise and says: "Little Johnny, why
didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Collingwood fan,"
he replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a
Collingwood fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I'm a Richmond fan, and proud of it," Little Johnny replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears.
"Little Johnny, why are you a Richmond fan?"

My mum and dad were born and raised in Richmond, so my mum is a Richmond fan and my dad is a
Richmond fan, and so I'm a Richmond fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Richmond fan.
You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute, your dad was a drug addict, and your brother was a car thief, what would you be then?"

"Then," Little Johnny said, "I'd be a Collingwood fan."

[jackstar is back again]

Urgent Message
The Royal Melbourne Show will be closed this saturday.
There is no one to man the rides as all Collingwood Supporters will be home watching the Grand Final

[Francois Jackson]

anyone know how to paste pictures in this message.

I have a good one but for some reason it doesnt allow me to cut and paste photo's in the message.

anyone have a clue what to do?

[Ox]

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a colonwood supporter. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?

Shoot the colonwood supporter Twice.



A rapist, a gangster and a colonwood supporter are in the same car...
Who is driving the car?
A cop!

Colonwood supporters get very nervous after sex, as they normally have the police after them.....

[FNM]