Australian Letter Of The Year

[Penelope]

This is supposedly a true letter sent to the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade.

I'm sure anyone who has had to deal with the mindless bureaucracy that masquerades as the Public Service can relate to the frustration...

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997 and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Geez’s sake, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years and all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also, would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack and I'd be absolutely f*******g astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...

****!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really peeed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bull****! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my f*******g address! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there?

Another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl).

Would someone please tell me, why would you give a **** whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the City, and get another f*******g copy of my birth certificate and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day? Nooooo... that'd be too f*******g easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our f*******g heads cut off, and then having to find some high society wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile!

You f*******g morons.

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850!

In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!) I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances.

I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am; You know - someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN F********G PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.’

Do you reckon there was a reply?

[taztiger4]

an oldie but a goodie

[mightytiges]

That must be an oldie joke as I was actually surprised how easy it was now to renew my passport a few months ago. If you renew it before it expires then you don't need all the birth certificate and ID overload crap. You just get the form sent out and take it with your old passport to the local post office. They took the photo and did the "interview" at the same time. Took 10 minutes tops to do. I'll leave my  for VCAT who waited until I turned up at the small claims tribunal hearing to tell me they had made a typo with the address of the other guy when sending him the notice of the hearing (he didn't show up) so I had to come back next year for a rescheduled hearing (and take another day off work  ). The Victorian public service is the worst in Australia.

[Penelope]

I read it yesterday while waiting to buy some filters. Rather than retype it from memory i searched and found it on the internet. the site claimed it was Amanda Vandelstone who was minister it was aimed at.

speaking of internet. Just watched a movie called Fortress. if anyone watches it, read the last of the credits. the internet gets a mention - funny stuff .

[mightytiges]

I read it yesterday while waiting to buy some filters. Rather than retype it from memory i searched and found it on the internet. the site claimed it was Amanda Vandelstone who was minister it was aimed at.

speaking of internet. Just watched a movie called Fortress. if anyone watches it, read the last of the credits. the internet gets a mention - funny stuff .

I remember using the internet in the early 90s (showing my age  ). I had an old Mac in my office with Netscape 1.0 on it lol. IIRC I started using forums like this one back in 1999 (the long gone roarpower site).

Was that the movie with Lambert in it and all the prisoners had some magnetic device placed inside their stomach so they couldn't escape?

[tiga]

I remember back in the late 80's getting my first passport was a friggin nightmare. I went to the World Trade Centre first thing in the morning and waitied for 4 hours for my number to be called. Once I got to an officer, he looked at all my credentials and found that everything was in order except that my friend who was a CPA, just signed that back of the passport photo and did not write, "This is (my name)" above his signature.  The officer told me that the photo was invalid and would not accept it. I had to go all the way back to Burwood, get him to write "This is (My name)" above his signature and returned to the World Trade Centre to wait another 3 hours before my number was called!.

I have to admit though that all my renewals since have been a piece of cake.

[Penelope]

I read it yesterday while waiting to buy some filters. Rather than retype it from memory i searched and found it on the internet. the site claimed it was Amanda Vandelstone who was minister it was aimed at.

speaking of internet. Just watched a movie called Fortress. if anyone watches it, read the last of the credits. the internet gets a mention - funny stuff .

I remember using the internet in the early 90s (showing my age  ). I had an old Mac in my office with Netscape 1.0 on it lol. IIRC I started using forums like this one back in 1999 (the long gone roarpower site).

Was that the movie with Lambert in it and all the prisoners had some magnetic device placed inside their stomach so they couldn't escape?

nah, it was a 2011 movie about a flying fortress crew. watchable, but nothing special. I got the feeling it may have originally been in 3d. Some of the scenes in 3d would have been pretty specy.

[mightytiges]

I read it yesterday while waiting to buy some filters. Rather than retype it from memory i searched and found it on the internet. the site claimed it was Amanda Vandelstone who was minister it was aimed at.

speaking of internet. Just watched a movie called Fortress. if anyone watches it, read the last of the credits. the internet gets a mention - funny stuff .

I remember using the internet in the early 90s (showing my age  ). I had an old Mac in my office with Netscape 1.0 on it lol. IIRC I started using forums like this one back in 1999 (the long gone roarpower site).

Was that the movie with Lambert in it and all the prisoners had some magnetic device placed inside their stomach so they couldn't escape?

nah, it was a 2011 movie about a flying fortress crew. watchable, but nothing special. I got the feeling it may have originally been in 3d. Some of the scenes in 3d would have been pretty specy.

Those 3D glasses have never worked for me .

[Penelope]

have you tried them recently MT? The newer ones aren't the same as the old blue and red lenses.

I saw that movie with all the blue people ( no, not the effing smurfs) in 3D. I didnt have too much trouble with them, but i could see how some do. they did start to tire out the eyes towards the end and from memory it was a pretty long movie.

[F0551L]

have you tried them recently MT? The newer ones aren't the same as the old blue and red lenses.

I saw that movie with all the blue people ( no, not the effing smurfs) in 3D. I didnt have too much trouble with them, but i could see how some do. they did start to tire out the eyes towards the end and from memory it was a pretty long movie.

Avatar !

[Penelope]

that's the one

[mightytiges]

have you tried them recently MT? The newer ones aren't the same as the old blue and red lenses.

I saw that movie with all the blue people ( no, not the effing smurfs) in 3D. I didnt have too much trouble with them, but i could see how some do. they did start to tire out the eyes towards the end and from memory it was a pretty long movie.

Yep al I don't remember the smurfs being on some outer space moon fighting humans trying to mine unobtanium or Sam Worthington playing Papa Smurf  . I didn't see it in 3D mind you lol. I haven't seen any of the modern 3D films or TVs for that matter. I guess past experience with the crappy old blue and red glasses made me not bother.