Here is a list of the latest workplace reforms.
New Workplace Reforms effective 1st January 2006
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Dress Code
a. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
b. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
c. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
better,
so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
d. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Annual Leave Days
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the
stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second
offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board
under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture
will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Breaks
a. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
b. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
