My ranking of teams I'd least like to win the premiership this year.
1. Essendon
Drug cheats who should have had their AFL license revoked. They are ahead of us on 16 premierships; I look forward to us narrowing the gap, not them widening it.
2. Geelong
Where to start? We have taught Chris Scott to respect us (begrudgingly), but deep down he can't stand us and can't figure out how to emulate us. We talk of 'connectedness' and 'Richmond Man'; he and his star players grow their hair long to express their individuality and acceptance of difference. They just don't get it. Seeing a Chris Scott post-KO press conference is delectable, a delight--something to have your morning coffee to with the promise of a great day to come. The Geelong Dad's Army model does not deserve validation and Steve Hocking's clear conflict of interest-- his ad hoc, untested rule changes that have profoundly eroded the aesthetics of the game--deserve to be punished.
3. Port Adelaide
The Bonaparte Syndrome entrant on the list: Port fans are as feral as it gets; they sure wish we cared about them and their opinions, but we just don't, and that's what hurts them the most. Where irrelevance meets shinboner meets illiterate, unabashed criminality, you find Port Adelaide fans. They make me proud to know Collingwood people. Not even their own mothers want them to win the premiership.
4. Sydney
Historical advantages for player acquisition and retention, perpetual home ground advantage to propel them into finals more years than not, dour football, dour coach--it took a Hardwick rocket for Longmire to use his library card to start taking out books about attacking, entertaining football.
5. Western Bulldogs
Soon after the 2016 grand final, Beveridge said he expected it to be the first in a Bulldogs dynasty. I simply don't want history to show that from 2016 to 2021 Richmond won 3 premierships and the Bulldogs 2. Should they stop throwing the football to each other, I have no real problem with them triumphing at a later date.
6. GWS
Fake club created for commercial reasons who turned on each other when the going got tough after the 2019 GF. The Amazon documentary exposed a toxic, antiquated culture in my opinion--not quite the Adelaide Ubermensch, Einsatzgruppen mentality, but a ruthless streak that is unlikeable nonetheless.
7. Brisbane
Faux tough Mitch Robinson aside, I have no real problems with Brisbane winning it, although I doubt they can now. I think that's a case in point: they are a little soft to be premiers; the Geelong home prelim was an embarrassment last year.
8. Melbourne
The team that reminds me most of Richmond 2017. Just like we were at that time, I think they are humbled enough by historical failures to take goodwill into the finals as 'everyone's second team'. Good luck to them, because I sure don't fancy any of the others winning it instead!
