I thought someone might clock me: Ben Cousins
Ben Cousins | May 09, 2009
PEOPLE have asked me how much of a reality check last weekend was, from holding the premiership on the dais with Juddy in 2006 to running out with Coburg wearing the No. 80 jumper in 2009.
Truthfully, I don't see myself as someone above that sort of thing, or someone above the system that is AFL.
This whole experience - the drugs, the suspension, draft, the comeback - has been a humbling experience.
I enjoyed the Coburg experience and I'll get to the brawl in a minute.
It's fair to say it got willing and I was wondering if someone out there wanted their 15 minutes of fame.
Beforehand, I had had a conversation with Kane Johnson and when you get to our age, one of the rewarding things in footy is being given the opportunity to go back and play with young guys.
I was keen to embrace Coburg Football Club because that's what football is about - playing - and it also helps my integration with the whole group, not just the boys at Richmond.
The process was easy because the relationship between Richmond and Coburg is very strong.
To go back in the right fashion was another opportunity to earn respect after what has happened.
The coach and I spoke about it, and both Terry Wallace and I agreed it was in my best interests from a preparation point of view, and I knew it was the right decision.
I had missed a fair bit of footy and I wanted to make sure the body was right.
The game is hard enough for a 25-year-old who has had a pre-season, let alone for a 30-year-old who has missed a year of footy and started pre-season late.
Anyway, it was a beautiful day for football.
The suburban flavour took me back to the days when I used to go to footy with my old man and watch him play for Perth in the WAFL. Good crowd.
Few beers. Comments from over the fence. It was footy at its purest.
It had the same smell, as well. The footy club smell - if you haven't been there it's hard to describe.
I got my jumper from "Grump", the property steward, I looked at it, turned it over and saw it was No. 80. Beautiful. It's nearly far enough away from No. 9 to keep me out of trouble.
It nearly didn't. The brawl started at three-quarter time.
I was on the bench at the time. I ambled in, but I played the pacifier.
For a couple of seconds, I thought someone might clock me. I thought someone out there might have just done it for a giggle, seeing me spread-eagled on my back.
I got involved to the point where I was just pulling blokes out.
There's no cop in me being involved in a fight, getting two or three weeks for throwing one or being in a position to wear one.
Once again, the headlines were overblown: Cousins in brawl drama. Had to expect it, I suppose, but people should know I'm not a fighter.
Overall, other than not winning, I thoroughly enjoyed the day. More than anything, I wanted to go back in a fashion that indicated I didn't think I was any better than what I was.
Today is the start of the second comeback.
It was four weeks from when I tore the hamstring in Round 1 to playing for Coburg and it was tough period for me personally, and a really tough period for the Tigers.
I had to pick myself up and dust myself off.
There was an over-the-top build-up and an over-the-top expectation from myself, and to go down with the injury was devastating.
There had been question marks over my hamstrings and to have a reoccurrence so early in the season rocked me.
It's fair to say that in the days afterwards I was in a depressive state. And the mental challenge, after what I had been through over the past 18 months, was blatantly obvious.
I had had the build-up and then the crash. How I would respond was the concern for many, and it was important to me.
How I reflect on this year isn't going to be about how many games I play, or how well I play, because some of that will be out of my control.
I will judge the success of this year on how I respond to situations such as the hamstring and how I respond to helping the playing group when it's under siege internally and externally.
I'd like to think at the end of year the football club has seen me as worthwhile recruit.
That first week was challenging and doubts were there about whether my body was up to it, but in the end you just have to search for positives, something to motivate you.
For me, I started jogging. I started a diligent process of rehab and improvement and, by the way, I don't believe I have chronic hamstring injuries.
I also used the opportunity to make sure my conduct around the club was as good as it could be.
Very quickly the club was under pressure and the issues and questions at the footy club were far more important than how my hamstring was going.
"Plough" (Wallace) was under the pump, the players and the president were all being asked questions, and answers were hard to find.
We lost games to pretty good teams and we dropped the Melbourne game, but when things get written up in the media, they are not quite as good or as bad as they seem.
Senior players realise that and it's important to express that to the younger players. The skipper, Chris Newman, has been fantastic keeping the group together. He steels himself every week and that is infectious.
In the past few weeks young blokes such as Daniel Jackson and "Axle" Foley have been terrific. And a young bloke called Andy Collins has come into the side and injected more optimism.
When the group has lacked confidence, for him to play with dash and confidence is a credit to him.
The future is before us.
The win over North Melbourne was such a wonderful feeling. I've barely played a half of footy, but I felt every bit of relief and elation the other guys did.
Being in the rooms to sing the song and laugh and joke was something I had dearly missed.
It had been a torrid couple of weeks. In my situation of not playing, it was hard to watch.
We were losing and I had a feeling of helplessness. I felt for the club, for Plough, for the guys.
For someone still really getting to know Plough, I was really impressed with his attitude.
His future was being questioned, reality had hit him between the eyes, but he was buoyant, enthusiastic, and supportive of the boys.
And I was rapt for him as much as the players when we won.
It's a hell of a word, winning, for it's not everything, it's the only thing.
So, to today.
I have given myself an extra week to be able to go into the game with confidence.
I'm not worried about the hammy going again. I'm in a better position physically not to do another hamstring, better even than going into Round 1.
I've worked on my core stability, had chiro on my back, strength work on my hamstrings and I know I've prepared myself as best I can.
The club, like me, is looking to getting as much as we can from the next 16 weeks.
I can't wait.
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/sport/afl/story/0,26576,25449876-5015495,00.html
