Author Topic: Collingwood Jokes  (Read 18381 times)

Offline Penelope

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #15 on: September 24, 2010, 08:10:32 AM »
 :ROTFL :thatsgold
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways my ways,” says the Lord.
 
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are my ways higher than your ways,
And my thoughts than your thoughts."

Yahweh? or the great Clawski?

yaw rehto eht dellorcs ti fi daer ot reisae eb dluow tI

Offline wayne

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #16 on: September 24, 2010, 02:10:21 PM »
I'm praying that the best Collingwood joke comes to fruition by 5:30pm Saturday.

And you may not think I care for you
When you know down inside that I really do

Offline mightytiges

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2010, 10:53:45 PM »
A oldie from the time of the 2002-3 GFs.

Collingwood supporters, here's 5 examples on how to be just like your favorite Collingwood player ......

1. Throw a ball in the air, tell your mate in the office to mark it and you just stand and watch him. Do this 20 times, make sure you watch all 20 marks. Once completed you've now become Jason Cloke.

2. Grab a biscuit from the office's tea room, as you walk back to your desk slip over and drop the biscuit. Have your work mate pick up the biscuit eat it, throw the crumbs at you and then tell you how good it was. Once completed you've become Rhyce Shaw ( strong preference that a work mate by the name of Jonathon Brown eats the biscuit ).

3. Go see your supervisor, tell him that you're upset other people have gotten a promotion. When he says bad luck, cry on his shoulder. Do this twice, once completed you've now become Paul Licuria.

4. Walk around the office, and scrounge through everyone's drawers. Gather all useless stationary. Pick up 30 to 35 useless items /possessions. Once completed you've become Nathan Buckley.

5. Walk past your boss raise the elbow and smack him in the jaw. Once completed you'll be given two weeks notice, lost your job / and you've become Anthony Rocca.
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be - Pink Floyd

Offline mightytiges

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2010, 10:55:20 PM »
Praying 2010 can be added to this list :pray

All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be - Pink Floyd

Offline mightytiges

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #19 on: September 24, 2010, 10:56:21 PM »
NEWSFLASH - Collingwood Football Club is facing financial ruin after going into partnership with a local vineyard.

They were supposed to be releasing 50,000 bottles of a limited edition "Dane Swan Brownlow Medallist Cab Sav" today.

Due to unforseen circumstances the bottles are now worthless because they've been tainted with sour grapes.
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be - Pink Floyd

Offline Penelope

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #20 on: September 24, 2010, 11:22:06 PM »
Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Collingwood fan."
So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways my ways,” says the Lord.
 
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are my ways higher than your ways,
And my thoughts than your thoughts."

Yahweh? or the great Clawski?

yaw rehto eht dellorcs ti fi daer ot reisae eb dluow tI

Offline mightytiges

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #21 on: September 25, 2010, 12:07:17 AM »
Travis Cloke is excited about getting married, but I think it's just because he wants to hear someone say "Mrs. Cloke" instead of "Cloke misses."
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be - Pink Floyd

Offline Jacosh

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #22 on: September 25, 2010, 04:44:53 PM »
 
Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins
A. Society.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.

Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.

Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!

Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?
A. Because a Lexus has four seats.

Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:

1.  A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2.  You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3.  You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4.  Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5.  You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6.  Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7.  You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8.  A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9.  You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.

Offline mightytiges

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #23 on: September 26, 2010, 04:27:25 AM »
How are all the Colligwood Supporters going to buy another Grand Final ticket next week? Centrelink payments are fortnightly!!



Collingwood: They can't read or write but at least they can Draw!
 
   
 
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be - Pink Floyd

Tigermonk

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #24 on: September 26, 2010, 08:00:45 PM »
How are all the Colligwood Supporters going to buy another Grand Final ticket next week? Centrelink payments are fortnightly!!



Rob a bank  ;D

Offline mightytiges

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #25 on: September 27, 2010, 02:05:00 PM »
Saw this on BF....




The old Richmond rooms in the Southern stand will also need to be fumigated as the Pies used them after the game lol. It must have killed Eddie to be forced to use a changeroom with yellow and black everywhere ;D.
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be - Pink Floyd

Online Francois Jackson

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #26 on: September 27, 2010, 02:43:25 PM »
Pies Vrs Saints. You Decide??







                           
Currently a member of the Roupies, and employed by the great man Roup.

Tigermonk

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #27 on: September 27, 2010, 02:48:52 PM »
Saw this on BF....




The old Richmond rooms in the Southern stand will also need to be fumigated as the Pies used them after the game lol. It must have killed Eddie to be forced to use a changeroom with yellow and black everywhere ;D.

oh thats a classic, gunna blow that one up & put it on the magpie wall here hahaha

Offline julzqld

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #28 on: September 28, 2010, 04:33:12 PM »
What's the difference between a Collingwood supporter and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

Offline mightytiges

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Re: Collingwood Jokes
« Reply #29 on: September 29, 2010, 04:23:40 AM »
Nick Maxwell's girlfriend gets home to him jumping around celebrating and shouting "43 days, 43 days!"
She asks him why he is celebrating, and Nick tells her that its how long it took him to finish a jigsaw puzzle.
"Thats a good thing?" she asks.
"You bet!" replies Nick. "It says between 3 to 6 years on the box!"


Q. What do Collingwood fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.


All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be - Pink Floyd