Fractured fairytales

[tiga]

A new year.... A new Hope.

Lord Wallace and Greg the Miller are found sitting at ye olde round table preparing for the upcoming all county recruitment Tournament.
"We have a fine young Army that on it's day will defeat any opposition but I feel we need some older heads to take up arms with us, like Sir Haynes of rejectville." Says Miller .

"Surely you jest!" exclaims Lord Wallace. "I believe Sorcerer Sheedy is of the craft. How can we trust any of his unwanted stock? It will surely be tainted with doom. We must continue to seek youth and abandon thoughts of acquiring any of Sorcerer Sheedy's outcasts."

"But Sir Hayne's was once of us. Surely you cannot forget his heritage. It was the whispering voices of the Windy Hill luring him to false promises and final damnation for all eternity. We must rescue him from this dreadful fate!" protests Miller.
 
"Thou dost protest too much Miller. He is not worthy to be horse dung on the sole of my boot!!" Exclaims Lord Wallace...

 

[mightytiges]

Sir Haynes of rejectville

LOL 
------------------

"Thou doubts thy wisdom?," Greg de Miller queried.

"Neah," Lord Wallace replied. "I just wished you hadn't gone to the wrong room in the Optus castle the last time you crossed swords with  Sorcerer Sheedy. We could have obtained more riches in exchange for Ty of Gangland"

"But we succeeded anyhow," Miller retorted. "The old sorcerer is getting long in the tooth and his hearing isn't as good as it use to be. When I said 'Ty Zantuck' he thought I said 'try Shane Tuck'. I went to the wrong room by mistake because I was too busy rolling on the floor in fits of laughter."

"Yes retaining Friar Tuck was our master stroke," Wallace said proudly.

"That is was," Greg de Miller rejoiced. "Our former Lord master had banished him to Coburg sanctuary you know."

"What a Lord DUDley", Wallace smirked.

'I still keep dreaming of voices of tinkers selling wooden cutlery calling out 'yeah' and 'nah', Miller whispered.

Meanwhile, ...

[Razorblade]

Ty of Gangland

[Capt. Revenge]

and then Hook of Hawk said...............

[mightytiges]

Thought I bump this thread up again 

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On returning to Ye Punt Road castle after a year of many battles, Lord Wallace exclaimed, "It had been the best of years and the worst of years!". My brave young warriors had finally conquered at once after 70 years the forests of rottingwood, carlscum and bumbleland but we suffered great losses to the new powers that dawn the modern age.

Greg the Miller asked, "Sire, what casualties have there been?"

Lord Wallace replied, "Gone are Roach, son of Disco, Greg of Staffordshire, old Chaff, Limbach of Coburg, that dud rookie you got me last year and I'm afraid to say Chubba, brother of Duncan."

"Neah not brave Chubba", Greg the Miller cried out.

"Yes he meant much to me too", Wallace admitted.

"No not that", said the Miller whispering. "How are we going to explain recruiting Kingsley the duke of Kent and that Pol aka Graham to the Punt Road peasants?"

"We will tell them it was a necessary loss for the good of the cause", Lord Wallace explained. "The peasants must learn that courage itself is not enough to secure the Holy Grail. You must be youthful, lightning quick and skilled in all forms of weaponary."

While watching his warriors prepare for another attempt on the Holy Grail, Wallace pondered......

continue......

[julzqld]

Suddenly a page races up to Lord Wallace.  "Alas Lord Wallace, I have bad news" gabbled the page.  "Lord Simmo the Hunky has befallen a broken ankle and will have to miss the preseason jousting."  "Damnation!" roared Lord Wallace.  "Anything else?".  "I am afraid Squire Schultz has also done some mischief to his hamstring".  "Fair dinkum, that guy is a clutz" whispered Greg the Miller.  "My advice, Lord Wallace, is to try the strength of Trent the Knobel and the Patter son or even the young peasant Angus the Graham."  "Also my Lord, there is bad news from the west concerning the Krakaeour who was involved in a duel with a neighbouring village" said the page.  "Confound it!, said Lord Wallace pulling at his hair, "Any good news?"  "Well Sir Nathan and Chris the Newman seem to be coming along nicely in their recovery and we have acquired the services of the Knight Kingsly from the Cattery."

[F0551L]

with the serfs baying at the castle door  Lord Wallace of Richmond had a wry smile on his face, "I think the recent battle with the rabble from Geelong  has caused some disturbance amongst the peseants  , know they not Greg the Miller that it is but a test for the troops of the battle that looms over the horizon". "Aye that be true Lord Wallce, but our champion  Sir Mathew de Richards son has suffered in Battle again "spoke Greg the Miller' and the young knights in training including  Marco Polo, Rickardo of Tambling , and the Gunners son Andrew all  looked liked they had been instructed from the school of jesters rather than for the battle field,why infact they where surely made to look like boys fighting men, even some of our seasoned campaigners Bowdon du Joelle and the oaf from the Dale of Tiven where out of sorts, in fact if it had not been for the exploits of our recent recruit Pol aka Graham and some good sense  shown by Farmer Brown and the new man Chris we may have been scattered throughout the country side, my Lord Wallace, its at this time we need the peasant to be on our side sharing their taxes with us not howling for blood as some do so even  now"  "Patience Greg de Miller, all is not lost" replied Lord Wallace, "be not fearfull for the approaching battles, and remember the ears of the crowd are dreadfully fickle and can turn with the wind, In deed I have a plan for the salvation of the shire of Richmond ,and to reclaim the flag that is rightfully ours, send quickly for the troop leaders Johns son Kane,  Simmo of Troy, Farmer Brown, that duffer Bowdon du Joelle,  and get my aides to carry Marcus la Coughlan to my side this instance  it is to their ears directly that i need to speak ..."

[tiga]

When all who were summoned had arrived....Lord Wallace exclaimed..."I have a cunning plan." to which all concerned proceeded to look to the sky and rub their chins. Lord Wallace then spoke again.. " We Shall ride to the North to the crown city of this land and take on a formidable foe from the city of sin and debauchery. They may be experienced but our young charges will be eager to prove their worth in the field of battle and I have no doubt they will give their all in an effort to defeat the evil bird. If not, no biggie..we'll be safe as all of us will be watching from the distance in preparation to to fight another day for the glory of our land in the never ending pursuit of the holy chalice. For now we rest...but tomorrow our quest to the north will begin....."

[cub]

Lord Wallace Lord Wallace Greg the Miller excitedly proclaimed as he burst into Lord wallace's chamber. I bring thee great tiding, our under cover knight Merlin of Mushroomville has finally paid fruit in the West and claimed his first highley reguarded victim Cousins the Crusader.
Eeeexceeleent claimed Lord Wallace our 3 year plan is starting to get a roll on and hopefully Merlin from Mushroomvilles escapades around the country will claim more victims in the near future. "All part of the master 5 year plan'.
As Greg the Miller left , Lord the Wallace enquired 'Merlin from Mushroomville' has not been seen around these parts of late I hope. "NO" exclaimed Greg the Miller . .... 'Not as far as I am aware anyway Lord'.....

[mightytiges]

Lord Wallace Lord Wallace Greg the Miller excitedly proclaimed as he burst into Lord wallace's chamber. I bring thee great tiding, our under cover knight Merlin of Mushroomville has finally paid fruit in the West and claimed his first highley reguarded victim Cousins the Crusader.
Eeeexceeleent claimed Lord Wallace our 3 year plan is starting to get a roll on and hopefully Merlin from Mushroomvilles escapades around the country will claim more victims in the near future. "All part of the master 5 year plan'.
As Greg the Miller left , Lord the Wallace enquired 'Merlin from Mushroomville' has not been seen around these parts of late I hope. "NO" exclaimed Greg the Miller . .... 'Not as far as I am aware anyway Lord'.....

 

Lord Wallace later replied, "It appears Merlin from Mushroomville has been caught on ye audio tablet and chisel in ol' Perth town" 

[F0551L]

 FF 10 months

Lord Wallace and Greg the Miller sat deep in thought contemplating the up coming battle, it had taken much gold to relieve the hurts and  wounds and to repair the armoury, Praise be to Sir Dick the Smith
 well Greg how are we placed for champions inquired Lord Wallace,
my Lord we have lost some great warriors in the previous battles,  Darren de Gasper has gone over the Ledge into the Heath, young Andy the Krak of the western tribe has been persused by the authoritys and has left for the western shores, and even our Noble one has returned to toil his field, and what of our recent recuritments in the surrounding villages asked Lord Wallace of Greg, well we have enticed young Cotchen of Trent to join our merry men along with a mongrel from Jordan and the western shores have supplied us with  Mitch of Morton and a young giant  from fRANCE
and now Greg the Miller, what tactics shall we use to install some self belief and passion and desire to the troops, to enable them to again be a force to be reckoned with asked Lord Wallace and to quell the doubt in the hearts of the villagers
but even as Greg the Miller opened his mouth to bring a reply a siren was heard in the far distance and the door swung open as a court attendant Choco Royale stepped through to deliver a personal message to the ear of Lord Wallace of Richmond.......

[mightytiges]

"I have good news and bad news, sire," whispered Choco Royale.

"What ye is the good news," replied Lord Wallace.

"A miracle has occurred, sire. Baron Brown and Count Coughlan have been brought back from the dead and are ready to rejoin us in battle," exclaimed Royale.

"My God! Let the church bells ring out for this is happy news," Lord Wallace rejoiced. "But my loyal servant even with this boost to our infantry I still need more horsepower and long-range weapons to overcome the Sand-i-lands, the Cox of the Coast, the Hilles of Don and that Northern Scot McIntosh of no fixed address. My Kingdom for a horse! My Kingdom for a horse!"

"Do not fret sire," replied Royale. "For Simmonds of Troy has also returned and he is built like a horse."  

"Oh it is a day of much rejoicing," Wallace cheered before realising there was also bad news. "What of thy bad news my faithful friend?"

"It is young Sir Richard of Bling Bling," said Royale. "He was wounded in training sire and may need a few weeks to recover."

"Curse thy luck!" cursed Lord Wallace. "High hopes I have for that boy."

Chocco Royale departed the throne room and Greg de Miller continued .....

[julzqld]

"I have good news and bad news, sire," whispered Choco Royale.

""Do not fret sire," replied Royale. "For Simmonds of Troy has also returned and he is built like a horse."  

"

    .. and all the fair maidens in the land cheered.

[mightytiges]

"I have good news and bad news, sire," whispered Choco Royale.

""Do not fret sire," replied Royale. "For Simmonds of Troy has also returned and he is built like a horse."  

"

    .. and all the fair maidens in the land cheered.

I thought you'd like that line Julz 

[WilliamPowell]

Chocco Royale departed the throne room and Greg de Miller continued .....

"Lord Wallace" said Greg de Miller "please do not concern yourself with Sir Richard of Bling Bling, it is but a small hinderance he will be available for long battle ahead that starts in March. We have many more young and noble warriors in training for battle".

"So true" replied Lord Wallace "the commoner Jake who wants to be a King is one who warms my heart as he has no fear. It is this type of belief we need from all our warriors"

While Lord Wallace and Greg de Miller we discusisng the recovery of the long and almost forgotten Mark of Cogs there was another knock at the door.....